User talk:Phatwillephatwille
Welcome Hi, welcome to Zombiepedia. Thanks for your edit to the Apocalypse: a novel page. Feel free to check out our Manual of Style. You may find it useful in abiding by Zombiepedia's standards, and avoiding reverted contributions. Please leave a message on my talk page if you have any questions or comments. Have a nice day! — [[User:Philodox|'<<— ''Philodox —>>''']] talk About your novel What's up Willie, assuming that is your real name, I have a couple things I would like to say. Firstly I read your fanfiction piece and it's pretty rough. I'm pretty new to fanfiction so you'll have to forgive me if my crituque is unwarrented or unnecessary. However, I am happy to find a fellow writer on here. But before I get to my critique I do want to say your post will likely be deleted, from what I can tell they don't like people using this page as a basis for forums or fanfiction (see the blogs page, I believe it's entitled "We can do better" or somehting to that effect). I think it's dumb but hey what can ya do? Now that that's out of the way I will begin my critique, you'll forgive me if I forget a detail or two I hope. First and foremost your writing has the feel of someone actually speaking rather than a narrator telling a story. It may work if you're writing from the first person perspective but you don't make the perspective clear and what's more if it is first person you need to make it less vague, as it stands now it could be either first person or universal perspective. Second your descriptions are almost nonexistent. Is he in Moscow or St. Petersburg, or is it a smaller city? What kind of man is he? White? Russian? American immigrant or some other variation? What kind of building is it? Industrial, commercial, abandoned before the Apoc. or some sort of apartment complex? Also when you say, I believe it was: The Day of Reckoning, it should be written as I've typed it there, the major words capitalized, as it's a proper noun. You wouldn't write D-Day as d-day? No it's capitalized because it has significance, it's a specific event e.g. Independence Day, Thanksgivng etc. etc.. Also any time anyone speaks there is a paragraph break unless it is a continuation of a previous sentence and even then sometimes there is a break. You definitely have passion but you seem too excited. I hope I haven't been too hard on you but still I stand by my analysis. Anyways I hope I have been of help and if they allow you to keep your posting I will most certainly read your next one. I'd send you some of my work (not fanfiction I intend it to be a true novel) but 400+ pages would be alot to transfer and besides I'm not a fan of letting other people read my work, however if I start getting really interested in your work maybe I'll give over. But that aside nice meeting you, keep working and if you would like any help/advice just message me, of course if you'd like me to shut the hell up you can tell me that too but either way good luck man. And best wishes. MassiveRoar (talk) 09:02, October 4, 2012 (UTC)Massive Roar Thank you for the critique. I have written several unpublished writings, and the reason I was so vague was because it was meant to be. Once the next few chapters take place before the Day of Reckoning it will make some sense that the first chapter was just a vague glimpse into the future for the readers. I meant it to sound like it was read to a minor extent, but I might rethink that if I get too much criticism. The uncapitilized words were just accidental or I just forgot about them, but I will fix that. I don't focus too much on grammer at this point, at least minor things that indentations on each paragraph, as this is just a rough draft, and part or the reason I double space the whole thing is for later I can add notes to fix it up. Honestly, I have just recently become inerested in the world of zombies, and have done so much research these last few weks that my brain might explode. I have started reading some of Max Brooks works, and I can only hope to be compared to him in any way as a writer or zombie expert. I apreciate that you are interested in my work and think it can be salvaged, especially considering you have only read about 2 pages of writing. Just a question, what are your writings about? I am an avid reader, primarily fiction, and would love to help imporve your works as well. Hopefully they allow my page to either stay or be moved to another part of the wiki. Thank you for your response, and good luck to you too.Phatwillephatwille (talk) 14:03, October 4, 2012 (UTC) RE: No problem! It is accually a pretty cool story. I.hate.CoD (talk) 20:19, October 7, 2012 (UTC)